As blokes we often get told men just don’t talk! However, in the work we do we have come to realise that when given the right circumstances and a safe environment, blokes do talk. Sometimes this involves us disclosing personal issues or just telling our story.
In our modern society we seem to have increased life pressures to the point where we reach breaking point in our relationships. Relationships are more than just our partners and can include our workplace interactions, dealing with children or even our parents. We need to encourage understanding of the need to listen and be heard in all relationships. Sometimes we are guilty of misunderstanding someone of the opposite sex. We need to maintain the basics when communicating; talking, listening, taking time to hear and be heard and not just acknowledging and contributing a few fleeting words on the run.
Modern technology, even though it is part of the mix, can never replace the basic need for face-to-face communication. Most of our communication is non-verbal, so when we don’t have access to a person’s body language, messages are often misunderstood.
To achieve more effective communication, firstly we must acknowledge the differences between the genders (men are hardwired differently, are risk takers, winners and problem solvers), and secondly, differ on how we go about communicating. There is no right or wrong, but we need to recognise the differences such as:
- Blokes generally talk less than ladies.
- Ladies speak in a narrative way.
- Single word answers (yes/no/good/ok) are often valid responses for blokes.
- Blokes find it harder to talk about their emotions, we are hardwired differently but over time have also been conditioned not to talk.
Men, in particular, are challenged by their lack of verbal skills, so we need to recognise when we are worried, be encouraged to seek help and importantly be asked what the problem is. We need to question, has he resolved the problem and how has he resolved the problem?
One of the most difficult things for men and women is the ability to discuss issues with the significant people in their lives. These issues can be about relationships, children, farm ownership, health and a range of other matters which affect our inner wellbeing. Often the unspoken issues create long term destructive relationship issues that are difficult to resolve.
We need to develop positive communication skills. Some useful tips aimed at assisting with a more productive outcome when communicating, include:
- Choosing the right environment.
- Timing is an important factor to consider – make time.
- When discussing an issue be open to alternate solutions and a realistic compromise.
- Be prepared to listen, listen, listen!
- Identify the relevant mates you can trust to discuss matters of concern.
Getting help if all else is failing.
By The Regional Men’s Health Initiative
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